Dad is Finally Free

It was one of those insane December days where you have more things to do than there is time for in one day. The boys were helping me pass out invitations for the street Christmas party that we are hosting this year (it’s our turn). We were in a rush because Darryl and I were headed to dinner and the Hale Theater with Rhett and Stephanie. My phone rang while we were out and it was Buzz. He said that Dad had taken a turn for the worse and the nurse was at the house and they didn't think Dad would make it through the night. I could tell he was crying so it shook me up a little. Buzz is usually so solid so I knew things were rough. I called Darryl and he came home to stay with the kids and I left for Aurora. My mind was whirling the whole drive down. I spent most of the drive on the phone with the Primary President going over things that I'm not going to be able to take care of while I'm gone. I did talk one more time with Buzz while I was driving. He'd called to see if I wanted them to wait to give him pain medicine until after I got there. I just wanted him to be pain free so it wasn't an issue. Buzz told me too about what happened when he took a turn for the worse. Buzz, my mom, and Doreen were showering my dad. Everything had been pretty typical and they were drying him off when he suddenly just slumped over and seemed to be gone. They checked for a pulse and he didn't have one. He quickly turned gray so they figured he had passed. After having a moment of crying Doreen left Buzz and my mom to go and call in that he had passed. After at least 15 minutes they decided they should get him back to his bed so when the mortician came to get him it would be easier. They loaded him into the wheelchair and shortly after he began breathing again. His breathing was really groggily-- basically just his lungs filling full of fluid. I arrived at about 6 PM. Wayne, Buzz and my Mom were in the room with my dad. He was breathing so hard and seemed to be in so much pain. They were giving him pain medicine every hour but it wouldn't last the whole hour so he would start moaning loudly. He couldn't communicate with us in any way because he was so drugged. Lisa and Ron arrived soon after I got there and then Kerry and Karen Sorenson came too. Kerry is currently the bishop so my mom had called him to come and give him a blessing. They stayed in with us after the blessing. Dad's breathing sounded so bad and all of us were having a hard time watching him suffer. Wayne, Lisa, and Buzz had gone out of the room. They were talking about giving Dad the pain medication more frequently. We all agreed that we would rather have him over drugged than in any pain so Buzz went in to talk to my mom about it. She too thought it would be a good idea. Buzz left the room to get more medicine and it was instantly that my dad started breathing differently. Somehow I knew it was the end and so I shouted for Buzz to come back in. Dad took a few more breaths and then he was gone at about 10:30 PM. We called the nurse and she came, then the mortician came. It was so nice that Darryl had stayed with the boys. My mom, siblings, and I just sat around and did nothing but it felt right. We finally went to bed at about 2 AM. The next day we wanted to just sit around and hang out but there were things to be done. We had to start planning the funeral and the program, and calling all his friends and family. There were many friends that came to see my mom. It was so hard to see his good friends and brothers cry. They love him so much and feel so bad that it had to be this way. I know we're all going to be together again and it is so comforting but it's still hard. I wasn't really prepared for how hard. I hated seeing him suffer. I guess our minds just can’t accept that good people can be so innocent and have to suffer something so terrible. You know it’s not that way but I think your mind just correlates a horrific death with someone who is involved with bad things. I know it is part of his plan and in the bigger picture that moment will be insignificant. For the next 2 days we all just hung out, made funeral plans, and visited with those who stopped by and called. I was shocked by the number of people that called and stopped by. The door was constantly swinging and the phone was constantly ringing. It was so great to not have to worry about the boys for the weekend. I knew Darryl was home with them and he’d take care of anything. I just shut my mind of for a few days. I did have to be back to teach Monday morning so I left my mom’s house late Sunday night. It was the week before finals so I just reviewed all week with the class and then Thursday after the boys were out of school we went down to Aurora to help my mom get ready for the funeral. Side Note: For a little over a month after my dad passed away my mom had company at her house, was really sick, or was playing catch up for work. She never had alone time. I think this might have eased her into being alone. She was so desperate to just have time to herself to do whatever she chose. I know she’ll be lonely often but I think it was nice not to deal with the loneliness and the loss at the same time. As we’ve said many times though, it is a good thing that he passed—so good to know he is free and can walk and dance again.