Tuesday, September 14, 2010

It's back :(

So today I pick up my phone and read the following text: Dad's MRI was not so good today. He has a spot about 1.3 cm, close to the brain stem, also close to the old surgery field. We will have to see Dr. Gardner to see if he wants to do surgery or just watch it. . . .Love Ya all, Mom.
My heart dropped. After his first surgery 5 years ago I dreaded every MRI he had because I knew it was very likely that this kind of message was waiting in the wings. Well for 5 years it never came and I grew comfortable and with every MRI I just expected a positive reading. So when today's news came it was a huge blow. There is just so many not-so-great things about this go round. Dad is so weak compared to the last battle, they can't do full radiation again on the cancer they can't remove(like last time there will probably be some cancer that would be too risky to remove), we find out later(after the surgery) that he's not even a candidate for spot radiation, and chemotherapy is really scary/risky in the brain. SO the Dr. told him the only option is to make the best of each day and be happy you had the last 5 years, or we could do surgery and try to get some of it but likely won't be able to get it all. With surgery comes a SUPER TOUGH recovery and any other complications that come, as we knew from last time. But Dad was not about to sit back and just let this cancer "win." He wanted to go out fighting, so he said surgery! Everyone drug their feet on this (including the Dr.) but Dad didn't want it any other way and you have to let him make his own decisions. SO surgery is set for the 22nd.
About a week ago I was mowing the lawn, my mind was wandering and I had the thoughts, "Life is so good...We haven't been humbled in so long...We're going to be humbled." I immediately started redirecting my thinking. Silly mind--don't think like that--stick to thinking about cutting the grass! It came and here it is.

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